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Satire for entertainment. Scores are game values, not population statistics or psychological measures.

Overwatch 2·Player Archetype

Before the gate opens you're already wall climbing for no reason. That isn't a habit, it's a statement. Genji is the hero where the highlight and the throw are the same input, and you've been on both ends of it inside one match. Blade goes off, you get three, the lobby says nothing, and you still check the end card to see whose name is on it. When it works there's no better feeling in this game. When it doesn't, you were "one dash away", and you will be mentioning that. Deflect is the real personality test and you pass it about sixty percent of the time.

Rush downR

You open the fight. Waiting feels like losing.

Risk managerC

You fold when others shove. That's why you're still alive.

Solo wolfS

You carry alone. Teammates are just names on the minimap.

Data drivenD

Win rates and timers are your religion.

Efficiency modeU

You don't need it to look good. You just need it to work.

Quick tiltB

One feed and you're on fire for three games. You always come back anyway.

Symptoms
  • 01You wall climb in the spawn room before the doors open. No reason. Never stopped.
  • 02"I need healing" is a rhythm, not a request.
  • 03Blade got you three and you still checked whose name was on the POTG card.
  • 04You've deflected a full ult and talked about it for a week.
  • 05A dash that doesn't reset feels like a personal insult.
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